Why We Say the Wrong Thing
Why We Say the Wrong Thing (And What to Do About It)
((According to My ADHD, OCD, and Regrettable Text History))
A Cynical Romantic’s Guide to ADHD, OCD, & the Art of Saying Sorry… A Lot
My Specialty: Saying the Wrong Thing at the Wrong Time
Let’s rip the Band-Aid off: I am a repeat offender of Saying the Wrong Thing. If there were Olympic medals for blurting, backtracking, and apologizing in record time, I’d be a decorated champion. I once told someone “I love you” on date three, then immediately followed it up with, “Sorry, I meant… I like your haircut.”
Hi. It’s me. The Cynical Romantic. Patron saint of awkward conversations and texts I wish I could unsend with the force of a thousand suns.
ADHD & OCD: When Impulsivity Dates Overthinking
Imagine texting your crush. ADHD yells:
“Send something cute right now — use emojis! All of them!”
Meanwhile, OCD clutches its pearls and hisses:
“But what if that thumbs-up means ‘I’m not interested’? Reread it 17 times.”
ADHD responds, “Too late. I hit send.”
And also?
“That wasn’t a wink. It was an eggplant. My bad.”
According to Dr. Ned Hallowell, impulsivity in ADHD makes us speak before thinking[1]. Meanwhile, Dr. Sharon Saline notes that OCD can turn a simple “lol” into a full psychological thriller[2].
Romance becomes a team sport between your brain’s two least qualified departments.
Communication Fails: A Highlight Reel From My Emotional Archives
In the interest of transparency—and as a service to humanity—here are the worst of the worst from my personal archives:
• The Flirty Text Gone Existential:
Tried sending, “You’re cute 😏.”
Autocorrect chose chaos: “You’re cult.”
They did not reply. I wish them well on their spiritual journey.
• The Overthinking Marathon:
Someone texted, “Hey, what’s up?”
My brain wrote 14 drafts, spiraled into the meaning of existence, and landed on:
“Contemplating the futility of life. You?”
They replied with a tumbleweed GIF. Deserved.
• The Impulsive Invitation:
In a burst of ADHD energy, I invited a date to… my dentist appointment.
“It’ll be fun!” I said.
It was not fun. The hygienist still brings it up. I beg her not to.
If you’ve ever ended an apology with a meme… or said “You too” when someone tells you happy birthday, welcome to the club.
We meet every Thursday. Nobody knows the time.
The Experts Weigh In (And I Translate for Reality)
Dr. Ned Hallowell: “Slow down. Pause before responding.”
My translation:
A+ advice — unless you’re in a group chat. If you pause too long, they assume you died.
Better trick?
Type your message. Don’t hit send. Reread. Then reconsider your life choices.
Dr. Sharon Saline: “Name your anxiety and share it.”
My translation:
“Hey, just FYI, I spent 45 minutes decoding your punctuation. If you ever use a semicolon again, I will require bereavement leave.”
Turns out honesty is… oddly charming.
Comedian Aparna Nancherla: “Awkwardness is just your brain doing jazz hands.”
My translation:
When I misread “LOL” as “Lots of Loathing,” I now imagine my brain jazz-handing its way across a tiny stage.
Stress? Gone.
Mostly.
Fixing the Cycle: Communicating (Without Regret… Mostly)
I won’t lie to you — there’s no magic formula. Communication is messy under the best circumstances. Add ADHD impulsivity and OCD catastrophizing and suddenly you’re starring in a sitcom you didn’t audition for.
But these DO help:
1. Practice the Pause
Count to five.
If the message still feels right, great.
If it doesn’t? Ask a friend. Preferably one who isn’t also neurospicy.
2. Own Your Weird
If your texts read like an existential crisis dipped in humor, embrace it.
Authenticity filters out the wrong people faster than ghosting.
3. Ask for Clarification
“Just checking—when you said ‘fine,’ was that ‘fine’ or ‘FINE’?”
This prevents the 4-hour grammar analysis session.
4. Apologize Like an Adult (But With Humor)
A sincere apology paired with a self-deprecating meme is practically a love language at this point.
And remember:
Your worst communication fails will one day become your best stories.
Future you will be grateful for the content.
The Cynical Romantic’s Final (Awkward) Word
Say what you mean.
Apologize when needed.
And don’t underestimate the emotional power of a poorly timed emoji.
Whether you’ve accidentally typed “I love you” when you meant “See you soon,” or you’ve spent an hour debating your response to “k,” you’re not alone — you’re neurodivergent, under-caffeinated, and doing your best.
Before you go, tell me:
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said by accident?
(Asking for a friend. That friend is absolutely me.)
Sources & Further Reading
Dr. Ned Hallowell — ADHD & impulsivity
https://drhallowell.com/Dr. Sharon Saline — OCD & communication anxiety
https://drsharonsaline.com/
Bonus Picks:
• Aparna Nancherla — Just Keep Breathing (comedy special)
• “How to ADHD” YouTube channel
• The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne