Thanks for the “almost"
part 1: Thanks for the Ones Who Ghosted Gracefully
A Cynical Romantic’s Thanksgiving Trilogy on Gratitude, Growth, and the Great “What Ifs”
Not Every ‘Almost’ Deserves a Restraining Order
Let’s be honest: in the grand tradition of Thanksgiving—stuffing ourselves with carbs, numbing emotions with pie, and pretending to be grateful for Aunt Linda’s unsolicited relationship advice—we rarely stop to appreciate the “almosts.”
You know, the ones who ghosted, fizzled, or hovered in our orbit with all the commitment of a poorly maintained satellite. We’re told to chase closure, demand accountability, and—if the mood strikes—fire off a 2 a.m. text with all the emotional depth of a shot of tequila.
But what if, just this once, we sent a quiet thank-you instead? Because while everyone else is counting blessings, some of us are counting the “almosts” — the sparks that flared, flickered, and politely ghosted before dessert.
Moments of Almost: Chemistry That Fizzled, Mutual Overthinking
There’s a particular flavor to the “almost.” It’s the pumpkin-spice latte of romance—intoxicating, seasonal, and definitely overpriced when you count the emotional toll. You both felt it: the spark, the banter, the possibility. And then came the overthinking.
Was that text too soon? Too long? Did my joke land, or did it vanish into the Bermuda Triangle of awkward silence?
As Aziz Ansari points out in Modern Romance, ghosting isn’t personal—it’s the modern love language of anxiety [1]. Ambiguity is comfort food for the emotionally cautious. And sometimes, the chemistry fades not because we don’t care—but because we’re both trying to look chill while silently Googling “how to appear emotionally stable via text.”
One minute you’re bonding over pie crusts in Dublin; the next, you’re performing post-text autopsies like forensic experts in your own heartbreak crime scene. Mutual overthinking: the silent killer of hopeful romance.
Lessons Learned: Timing, Confidence, and the Introvert’s Charm
Every missed connection has something to teach—if we’re brave enough to translate the subtext. Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch reminds us that timing isn’t just everything—it’s the thing [2]. Two people can be perfect on paper but emotionally out of sync. There’s wisdom in realizing you met at the right moment in the wrong lifetime.
Then there’s confidence—that slippery beast we keep misplacing somewhere between self-doubt and the second glass of wine. As relationship expert Esther Perel likes to say, “We’re all a little afraid of rejection, but it’s the fear that keeps us from connection.”” [3]. She might as well have written my inner monologue during every half-hearted attempt to flirt at a Thanksgiving mixer. Fear doesn’t make us broken—it makes us human.
For introverts, charm is both shield and sword. We wield wit like armor, reveal vulnerability in teaspoons, and retreat at the first sign of someone actually liking us back. It’s a delicate dance—half grace, half cringe, always memorable.
Pop-Culture Tie-In: Rom-Com Realness
Hollywood has made billions turning our emotional chaos into comfort cinema. Serendipity taught us that fate can be both matchmaker and sadist. 500 Days of Summer reminded us that idealizing someone is a form of emotional self-harm disguised as poetry. And Notting Hill proved that even Hugh Grant’s hair gel can’t save us from overthinking a good thing.
Rom-coms give us permission to laugh at our pain. They tell us “almost” are universal—the missed trains, the unanswered texts, the wrong timing. They remind us that while real life doesn’t always fade out to a perfect soundtrack, it still gives us one hell of a story.
The Cynical Romantic’s Confessional: The One That Could Have Been
True story: I once met my own “almost” at a Thanksgiving party. We bonded over pumpkin pie and mutual disdain for small talk. The Wi-Fi was spotty, the self-esteem even spottier. We exchanged glances, texts, and half-baked plans—always stopping short of something real.
Looking back, I think we were both grateful for the escape hatch. Maybe we sensed that our connection was a sandcastle built too close to the tide. She ghosted with grace—no drama, no declarations, just a slow fade into the ether.
I could’ve been bitter, but instead, I’m thankful. She wasn’t a forever—she was a wake-up call.
Gratitude for the Ghosts
So, this year, instead of drafting another emotional restraining order, I’m writing thank-you notes—to the ones who ghosted gracefully, who taught me timing, confidence, and the fine art of letting go.
They weren’t meant to be bonfires, but each flicker lit something important in the dark. And if you’re reading this with a half-eaten slice of pie and a half-healed heart, take comfort: not every “almost” was a failure.
Some people aren’t your forever—they’re your reminder that you can still feel something worth missing. And for that? I’m thankful.
Coming Next Week — Thanks for the Ones Who Stayed
Next week, we’re trading in ghost stories for gratitude. Part 2 of Thanks for the Almosts explores the ones who didn’t vanish—the friends who stick through heartbreak hangovers, the therapists who translate our chaos, and the books (and bottles of wine) that talk us off emotional ledges.
Spoiler: it’s about the people who made us laugh when we were busy overanalyzing texts that never came.
The Cynical Romantic’s Thanksgiving “Aromatherapy”
Last month, I closed Haunted Hearts Week with my own line of Essential Oils for the Emotionally Unhinged. This week, I present their autumnal cousins:
“Pumpkin Spice & Regret” — the comforting scent of nostalgia and poor texting decisions.
“Gravy Train Serenity” — best inhaled while avoiding eye contact with your ex’s Instagram.
“Stuffing & Self-Respect” — may cause mild confidence and an urge to block someone respectfully.
Guaranteed to make you 30% more grateful and 50% less likely to DM your “almost.” Results may vary depending on wine intake.
Sources & Further Reading
[1] Ansari, Aziz, & Klinenberg, Eric. Modern Romance: An Investigation. Penguin Press, 2015.
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/239382/modern-romance-by-aziz-ansari-and-eric-klinenberg/
[2] Winch, Guy. How to Fix a Broken Heart. Simon & Schuster, 2018.
https://www.guywinch.com/how-to-fix-a-broken-heart.html
[3] Perel, Esther. Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. HarperCollins, 2006.
https://www.estherperel.com/
Suggested Books:
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
The Course of Love by Alain de Botton
Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed
“Not every spark becomes a fire—but it still keeps you warm for a while. And in this chilly little season of gratitude, that’s enough.”