Soulmate or Cellmates
Modern Love Myths: Soulmates, Signs, and Real Connection
When “The One” Starts Feeling Like a Scam
There I was the other night, thumb sore from scrolling, watching engagement photos fly by like emotional confetti. Matching pajamas. Ring close-ups. Captions that said things like “I finally found my person” and “When you know, you know.” Meanwhile, I was sitting on my couch in sweatpants older than some of these relationships, eating cereal for dinner and wondering if my soulmate got stuck in traffic… permanently.
It hit me somewhere between hashtag #ForeverLove and #BlessedCouple — what if “The One” isn’t destiny at all? What if it’s just the most successful romantic marketing campaign in human history?
Now don’t get me wrong. I, The Cynical Romantic loves love. I still believe in connection, chemistry, late-night conversations, and that feeling when someone looks at you like you’re their favorite place to land.
I just don’t love being emotionally catfished by fairy tales.
So, today’s mission isn’t to crush hope. It’s to separate real connection from soulmate propaganda.
Where Did This Soulmate Obsession Even Come From?
Before we decide whether “The One” is real or just really good PR, let’s talk about where this whole idea started.
Way back in ancient times — cue dramatic music — there were stories about humans being split into two halves of one soul, doomed to wander the earth searching for their missing piece. Romantic. Tragic. Also a great way to make everyone feel incomplete forever.
Add in fairy tales where destiny pairs off princes and princesses, religious stories about divine matches, and spiritual beliefs about fated connections, and suddenly love wasn’t just something you built — it was something you were supposed to stumble into like a cosmic scavenger hunt.
Fast forward a few centuries and classic literature, love songs, and rom-coms took that idea and put it on repeat.
Somewhere between Greek myth and Netflix, “fated love” became less about growth and more about vibes.
I wanted to believe it too. I really did.
It just never explained why destiny kept sending me people who couldn’t text back.
How “The One” Became a Marketing Goldmine
Of course, cute myths alone don’t pay the bills. Enter modern capitalism — the real soulmate whisperer.
Dating apps promise your perfect match if you just answer 73 deeply personal questions and, oh yeah, upgrade to premium. The wedding industry sells you the once-in-a-lifetime fantasy — the dress, the venue, the ring, the honeymoon that costs more than a down payment on a home.
Even the self-help and spiritual world got in on it. Courses to “manifest your soulmate.” Readings to reveal when “The One” will arrive. Coaches who swear they can align your energy for a low monthly fee. The emotional hook is brilliant, really.
Loneliness. Fear of missing out. The deep human desire to be chosen.
If love is priceless, why does finding “The One” cost a subscription, a vision board, and at least one mildly unhinged personality quiz?
I’ve paid for a few of those dreams myself.
Turns out destiny doesn’t accept credit cards.
Real Life: Turns Out There Are Many “Ones”
Here’s the uncomfortable truth no fairy tale tells you. Most of us don’t have one magical person. We have many meaningful connections across a lifetime. There’s the person who teaches you how to love for the first time. The one who breaks your heart and forces you to grow. The partner who feels like home for a season. The friend who knows you better than any romantic interest ever has. Some of the deepest, soulmate-level bonds aren’t even romantic.
What actually matters isn’t destiny — it’s compatibility. Shared values. Emotional safety. Mutual effort. The ability to fight fair and laugh after.
You don’t have a soulmate. You have a roster of people who made your life richer and your group chat spicier.
And honestly? That feels more real.
Soulmate or Cellmate? When Fate Gets Used as an Excuse
Now let’s talk about the darker side of “The One.” Sometimes relationships don’t feel like building a life together. They feel like serving time. Cynical, maybe. Can you honestly say that you haven't felt like that in at least one "meant-to-be" relationship?
Yet somehow, we excuse chaos because it’s labeled destiny.
“We fight like crazy, but it’s because we’re soulmates.”
“They’re super jealous, but it’s just because they love me so much.”
“Our relationship is intense — it’s passion.”
No.
Sometimes it’s just dysfunction with a romantic filter. I’ve watched friends stay in relationships that drained them because they believed leaving meant walking away from fate itself. The soulmate label gets weaponized. “You can’t leave — we’re meant to be.”
And suddenly a story about love becomes a cage. More than once, I stayed longer than I should have because I thought struggle meant something important was happening.
Turns out sometimes struggle just means you’re with the wrong person.
What Love Looks Like Without the Myth
So, if the fairy tale can trap you as easily as it can inspire you, what does healthy love actually look like? It looks less like finding a savior and more like choosing a partner. Someone who communicates. Someone who respects you. Someone whose values line up with yours. Someone who feels good for your nervous system — not just exciting for your dopamine. The better question isn’t, “Is this my soulmate?”
It’s, “Is this person good for my life?”
Do they bring peace more than stress?
Do they support your growth instead of threatening it?
Do you feel like yourself around them — or like you’re constantly auditioning?
Instead of hunting for “The One,” try building “The Us.” Two imperfect people showing up on purpose. It’s less flashy.
But it lasts.
Love Without the Lifetime Sentence
Here’s the thing — the soulmate story isn’t evil. It’s just incomplete. And really easy to exploit. You can still believe in deep, rare, magical connection without believing there’s only one person on earth who can give it to you. Love can be extraordinary without being predetermined. In fact, I think it’s more beautiful when it’s chosen.
So if it feels like freedom, growth, laughter, and mutual respect, call it whatever you want — soulmates, partners, co-conspirators in life. Just make sure you’re not mistaking a locked door for a grand romance. Because love shouldn’t feel like a sentence.
It should feel like a shared adventure.
Sources & Recommended Reading
Relationship & Psychology Insights
[1] Psychology Today — The Myth of the One
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-love/201102/the-myth-the-one
[2] The Gottman Institute — What Makes Relationships Work
https://www.gottman.com
[3] Pew Research Center — Modern Dating & Relationships
https://www.pewresearch.org
Suggested Reading
• Modern Romance — Aziz Ansari
• Attached — Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
• All About Love — bell hooks
LL&S-Aligned Products
• Couples Communication Journal
• Emotional Wellness Workbook
• Mindfulness Card Deck for Relationships
• Self-Reflection Guided Journal
