The Hero Complex in My Head

ADHD, OCD, and the Loop of ‘Someday’

The Line That Wouldn’t Leave My Head

When I wrote the content for the Behind the Blog section of the LL&S site, a few lines stuck in my mind and refused to leave:

I saw the patterns clearly: impulsive decisions, obsessive distractions, grand plans abandoned at the first obstacle.
For years, I’d convinced myself I was on the verge of something great—regaling friends with big dreams, only to let them fade.
The illusion of control shattered, leaving behind broken routines, neglected responsibilities, and loved ones quietly distancing themselves.
That moment forced me to stop spinning. To step off the carousel and face the uncomfortable truth: growth required more than humor—it demanded humility.

Those words became the quiet echo that followed me around for days. While driving to the grocery store—half-listening to an audiobook—something in my brain piped up like a precocious four-year-old demanding attention. So I parked, closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and let the thought speak.

The Realization That Hit Me in the Parking Lot

As I’ve learned more about ADHD and OCD—and worked toward managing both—I’ve become more self-aware than ever before. It’s a gift and a curse.

I realized that I wasn’t just someone who used to convince others I was on the verge of something great. I was still convincing myself—just with a different audience. Instead of fading ideas in conversation, I was nurturing them in my head, building entire futures out of daydreams.

The more I thought, the more I fed those thoughts until they looped endlessly—imagination becoming its own addictive comfort. Each new idea sparked a dopamine rush of possibility, creating mental blueprints for castles in the air. My mind built pathways around potential instead of progress.

The Comfort of “Someday”

Over time, that mental rehearsal rewired how I experienced reality. My ADHD brain craved novelty and reward, preferring the thrill of imagined success to the quiet, steady grind of actual work.

The line between hope and habit blurred. I’d dream, plan, pause—over and over—feeling productive while standing still. I didn’t want to feed these cycles, but I did. The more I indulged, the louder they became, crowding out the voice calling for patience and persistence.

Self-awareness, I’ve learned, isn’t just about noticing the pattern—it’s about interrupting it.

When Reflection Turns Into a Mirror

The cruel part of awareness is that once you see the pattern, you can’t unsee it. I began spotting every impulsive decision, every obsessive distraction, every grand plan that collapsed at the first obstacle.

These moments resurfaced whenever I felt frustrated or powerless—reminders of failure disguised as “learning experiences.” Sometimes I’d talk about a great new idea, and just by saying it aloud, my brain would check the “done” box, even though I hadn’t lifted a finger.

In my head, I’d imagine grand gestures for the people I love—ways to help, surprise, or support them. But those gestures never made it out of my imagination. They stayed safe there, idealized and untouched.

The Hero Complex (Kind Of, But Not Quite)

If you’re thinking, “That sounds a little like a hero complex,” you’re not wrong—but it’s not quite the same.

People with a hero complex often rush to fix others’ problems to feel needed or in control. My version is quieter and less heroic: I dream of being helpful but get stuck in the imagining. The anticipation of helping—of doing something meaningful—feels almost as good as the act itself.

It’s not about saving people; it’s about being trapped in the potential to save. ADHD, OCD, and perfectionism form a cocktail that makes thinking about doing feel just as rewarding as doing itself.

Recognizing the difference matters. It’s what helps me spot when I’m spinning stories in my head instead of taking steps forward.

From Dreaming to Doing

If any of this resonates, maybe you’ve been caught in the same loop—full of ideas, good intentions, and half-built plans that never quite leave your mind.

Here’s the truth I’m still learning: progress doesn’t require grand gestures. It starts with one small, grounded action.

Let’s keep this conversation going. Share your thoughts or stories in the comments below—times when you’ve caught yourself dreaming more than doing, or moments when you’ve learned to turn intention into movement. We’re all trying to do better, be better, one small step at a time.

Professional Resources: Understanding the Hero Complex and Neurodiversity

After all this self-reflection, I figured it might help to hear from people who actually know what they’re talking about — you know, the ones with framed degrees instead of a collection of half-finished self-improvement plans.
Below are a few professional resources that dive deeper into ADHD, OCD, and the whole “hero complex” thing. Think of them as the supporting cast for your own mental wellness story — less dramatic than mine, but probably more reliable.

Psychology Today – Hero & Savior Complex Articles

• The Savior Complex
  Explores the drive to “save” others and its emotional consequences.

• The Hero and the Hero’s Shadow
  A deeper look at the archetype that fuels both ambition and burnout.

CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD)

• CHADD – ADHD Treatment & Self-Perception
  Expert articles and webinars on how ADHD shapes motivation and relationships.

• CHADD Professional Directory
  Find clinicians specializing in ADHD support and education.

International OCD Foundation (IOCDF)

• OCD and ADHD: Dual Diagnosis / Misdiagnosis
  How obsessive thought patterns overlap with ADHD-related impulsivity.

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

• NIMH – ADHD & OCD Research Hub
  Research-based information on ADHD, OCD, and behavioral health.

Therapist Directories

• TherapyDen – Search for licensed therapists by specialization, approach, and availability.

• GoodTherapy – Find mental health professionals experienced with ADHD, OCD, and related personality dynamics.

Books for Further Reading

• The Hero Complex: The Limits of Helping Others — Mark Tyrrell

• Delivered from Distraction — Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. & John J. Ratey, M.D.

• Overcoming Compulsive Helping — Debbie Mandel, M.A.

And if you stumble across something that actually helps, don’t forget to tell your favorite overthinking hero — me. I’ll be the one still trying to save the world with a to-do list and a cup of cold coffee.