When Success Feels like Sabotage
A Letter to My Own ADHD Brain
(By The Cynical Romantic — Where passion meets poor judgment)
The Struggle Before the Confession
I’ll be honest — I’ve been struggling.
The closer Love, Lies & Scandals becomes to something real, something alive, the more my distractions multiply. I catch myself doing everything except what moves me forward. I’ll plan a blog, open Canva, think about posting on social media… and suddenly, I’m deep-cleaning my coffee maker or alphabetizing playlists from 2011.
It’s frustrating. It’s sad.
And honestly, it makes no sense — at least not on the surface. I finally have momentum, purpose, and a project I love, but I keep tripping over old habits. The part that hurts most is the whisper that follows: “Maybe you’re just not built for success.”
That whisper has teeth. It chews at confidence and feeds on guilt.
One night, I sat staring at my laptop — half-finished post on the screen — feeling like the enemy was me. I wasn’t just avoiding work; I was avoiding the fear that I might actually pull it off. Because if I did, if this thing actually worked, then the pressure to keep it would be enormous.
That lack of reward pushes us to chase stimulation instead of satisfaction.
But as I’ve learned (and keep learning), that whisper doesn’t belong to me — it belongs to my ADHD brain.
The Confession
Here’s the embarrassing truth: the closer I get to success, the messier I get.
My desk looks like a paper explosion, my brain feels like 37 browser tabs arguing, and suddenly, reorganizing my sock drawer feels urgent.
It’s not laziness. It’s not fear of failure.
It’s something sneakier — the kind of mind-trick only ADHD could pull off.
It’s that strange, self-destructive loop where the second things start working, you find yourself doing anything except the thing that works. You build momentum… then sprint straight into distraction like it’s a finish line.
And before you ask — no, I’m not proud of it.
My record? Spending two hours designing a color palette for a post I never actually wrote. Somewhere, there’s a Canva file called “Perfect Shade of Regret.”
Why My Brain Does This (and Maybe Yours Too)
When I first read about ADHD success sabotage, it was like someone had been spying on me. Turns out, there’s real science behind the madness.
1. Dopamine and the Elusive “Reward”
For most people, success feels good. For the ADHD brain, not so much. Our dopamine system — the one that fuels motivation and reward — doesn’t always fire properly. Researchers have shown that adults with ADHD often experience lower dopamine transmission in brain regions that govern focus and satisfaction [1].
Translation? Even after you accomplish something amazing, your brain might shrug and say, “Cool… what’s next?” That lack of reward pushes us to chase stimulation instead of satisfaction.
So while normal people enjoy the glow of progress, we go hunting for chaos.
That’s usually when I open ten tabs, start a new project, and decide the website banner suddenly needs a font I haven’t downloaded yet.
2. Executive Dysfunction: When the Wheels Come Off
Success requires planning, organization, and follow-through — all functions controlled by the prefrontal cortex. In ADHD brains, those circuits can be inconsistent. A 2020 review in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience found clear evidence of disrupted executive function in adults with ADHD — especially around decision-making and self-regulation [2].
In other words: your brain isn’t fighting you; it’s fighting itself.
I can’t count how many times I’ve stared at my to-do list and felt like my own assistant quit mid-shift.
One look at my task list and my brain starts bartering: “If we skip this post, we’ll totally get double done tomorrow.” Spoiler — we never do.
3. The Emotional Side of Success
There’s also fear hiding in the wings — not of failure, but of what success might change.
Success means visibility. Responsibility. Expectations.
For many of us, that triggers emotional dysregulation — the brain’s overreaction to pressure. A 2019 paper in Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews linked emotional impulsivity and self-sabotage in adults with ADHD to limbic system hyperactivity [3].
In plain English: your emotional “check engine” light flashes constantly.
Sometimes the idea of more eyes on me feels heavier than failure. At least failure is familiar; success feels like exposure.
So your brain hits the brakes — even when life is finally going your way.
How I’m Learning to Outsmart My Own Saboteur
🧠 Reframing Social Media as Connection, Not Performance
Social media was my biggest trigger. I felt paralyzed by the idea of “performing” for likes.
Now, I treat it like storytelling instead of self-promotion.
Each post is a scene.
Each caption, a line of dialogue.
Each comment, a character moment.
When I remind myself I’m writing for connection, not an algorithm, I actually start enjoying it again.
The first time I posted without overthinking, someone messaged to say it helped them feel seen. That one message rewired more than any “like” ever could.
Psychologists call this reframing — a cornerstone of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy proven effective for adults with ADHD in managing avoidance patterns [4].
🧩 Templates: My Brain’s Training Wheels
Starting from scratch every time is exhausting. So I built templates — not just for design, but for thought.
• “Quote of the Week” posts
• “The Cynical Tip” carousel
• “TCR Asks…” polls
• “ADHD Misadventure Moment” stories
Each one gives me structure. And ADHD brains thrive on structure disguised as creativity.
This echoes findings from Psychiatry Research (2021), which showed that structured creative routines improve focus and task completion in adults with ADHD [6].
⏰ 30-Minute Work Windows
Here’s the rule I live by now: 30 minutes, not perfection.
Pick a quote. Write a caption. Schedule a post.
Then stop.
Short bursts reduce overwhelm — and they work. Behavioral researchers call this “micro-tasking,” and multiple ADHD coaching studies show it improves consistency by lowering executive demand [6].
Sometimes the goal isn’t “done.” It’s “started.”
Half my posts were born from 30-minute sprints between coffee refills. Imperfect? Yes. Posted? Also yes — and that’s the win.
💌 Writing to the Saboteur
When all else fails, I write to my distraction monster.
Dear Saboteur,
I know you’re trying to protect me. You think chaos keeps me safe.
But this time, I’m choosing calm. You can sit beside me — just don’t drive.
Love,
The Cynical Romantic (with Wi-Fi and coffee)
Writing it down gives shape to the storm. It turns shame into humor — and humor, as research shows, lowers cortisol and restores executive control [5].
What I’ve Learned (So Far)
You are not your chaos. You’re the narrator describing it.
Progress is quiet work. Some days it looks like one sentence written, one post scheduled.
Your worth isn’t measured in productivity. It’s measured in persistence.
The real victory isn’t “fixing” ADHD — it’s understanding it.
It’s learning how to build a system that works for the brain you actually have, not the one you wish you did.
The Do Better. Be Better. Takeaway
If you’ve ever found yourself sabotaging progress right when things start working, you’re not broken. You’re human — with a brain that loves fireworks but forgets to enjoy the glow afterward.
Tonight, take a breath.
Tomorrow, start small.
And if your Saboteur shows up again, smile.
You’ve got this.
You’re not behind.
You’re in progress.
And that’s a damn beautiful place to be.
References & Resources
[1] Volkow, N.D., et al. “Motivation Deficit in ADHD Is Associated With Dysfunction of the Dopamine Reward Pathway.” JAMA Psychiatry, 2009.
[2] Cortese, S. et al. “Executive Function in ADHD: Meta-Analytic Review.” Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 2020.
[3] Shaw, P. et al. “Emotion Dysregulation in ADHD.” Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 2019.
[4] Knouse, L.E. & Safren, S.A. “CBT for Adult ADHD.” Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 2010.
[5] Samson, A.C. & Gross, J.J. “Humor as Emotion Regulation.” Emotion, 2012.
[6] Tucha, O. et al. “Physical Activity and Executive Function in ADHD.” Psychiatry Research, 2021.