The Valentine Bonus Series
Love, Cynicism & Still Hoping
A Valentine series for people who’ve loved hard, learned slowly, and still haven’t stopped paying attention. Six essays on love, cynicism, boundaries, and the quiet hope that refuses to stay quiet.
This series includes:
Six weekly Valentine essays (posted Wednesdays)
One Friday the 13th wrap-up on bad romantic decisions
A Valentine’s Day coda that admits hope hasn’t left
Each post stands alone — but together, they tell a bigger story.
The Quiet Power of Compatibility
The true test of a relationship sneaks in quietly, disguised as the utterly unglamorous, everyday negotiations—like agreeing on the thermostat setting. No one puts, “I promise not to touch the AC without consulting you” in their wedding vows, but maybe we should. These little moments are where relationships either quietly thrive or slowly unravel. It took me an embarrassingly long time (several chilly winters and sweaty summers) to realize that compatibility doesn’t feel thrilling at first—it feels neutral, practical, and, frankly, about as exciting as watching paint dry. Which is probably why I ignored it for so long. If I had a dollar for every time I chose a partner based on “spark” over “shared laundry standards,” I’d have, well, slightly less laundry and a much smaller therapy bill.
There’s research behind this, and of course there is—because humans love discovering scientifically what experience already taught us the hard way.